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Seizing Sandler

Normally I'm super chill around celebrities. They really don't affect me. BUT, last night I was standing about 10 feet away from Adam Sandler and I totally geeked out.

When I was eleven years old, my mom sent my father upstairs to take away my "dirty" CDs. So, he asked for my Snoop Dogg and Adam Sandler albums. I was so bummed. I tried to fake him out and give him an "Ugly Kid Joe" instead. He didn't go for it. He wanted to hear Snoop Dogg's CD.

My father wanted to hear what was so 'dirty.' So, I played their albums for him. He ended up really liking the Snoop Dogg album "Doggystyle."

Then I played him Adam Sandler 's album "What the Hell Happened to Me." My father laughed so hard that he let me keep it. I remember showing him my favorite tracks and him exploding in laughter. He took Snoop's CD but left me with Adam's and said, 'Don't tell your mother.'

A year later my father died, and my mom set me up with the Big Brothers Big Sisters Program. It's like substitute teachers only for dead parents.

Anyways, Adam Sandler was coming to town for a LIVE CONCERT! I was thirteen and way too excited. My 'Big Brother' Brian took me, and we met Adam. Randomly in the alley outside the theater.

Seeing Adam last night made me feel like a kid again. I was standing just a few feet away... frozen... not sure what to say. It made me think of my father and I laughing in my bedroom. The secrets you keep from your mother, and the humor I grew up on.

I listened to "What's Your Name" the other day with a friend. We laughed just as hard as when we were young. So, I guess what I wanted to say was, thanks for the memories, Adam.

Healing for the Holidays

Another holiday passes by without my mom and Wayne, and it's left me with some thoughts about loss...


To those who have lost loved ones or parents like I have. I would love to tell you it gets easier. That life moves fast, and you before long you'll eventually become numb. I'd love to tell you that if you surround yourself with family and friends that you won't even notice the missing links after time. But I'd be lying.

Holidays seem to move in slow motion. It's a cruel joke that the universe likes to play on us. Time seems to stop just long enough to hurt us in ways we could never imagine.

See, Death has no emotional attachments. Death has no family or friends of his own. The grim reaper is merely a debt collector. Taking names on his list and shattering surrounding lives into tiny broken pieces. Death never turns back to check the wreckage he caused because Death himself is empty, tired and alone.

So as I spend the rest of my life picking up piece after piece of a puzzle that I'll never be able to put back together, Death laughs to himself, as he watches over me. Watching and waiting... Waiting and watching... waiting patiently to take me. Ever so slightly grazing past my shoulder or whispering in my ear. Taunting me. Taunting all of us, as we gaze longingly at photographs and ugly cry in our cars. Death enjoys watching us suffer. He gets off on it.

Well, fuck that.

I will no longer indulge in such suffrage. I will no longer give him the pleasure of grinning over shattered puzzle pieces. I will celebrate him instead. I will cherish the time I had with my mother and think of her memory only in harmonious ways. I will no longer be a slave to death and his list of names. I will no longer hold a grudge towards Death, because the truth is... that's exactly what he wants. He wants us to be angry. He feeds off it. The irony is, death feels so much more alive when he's held accountable for his actions. He loves the attention. He wants to remain constant in our minds because without it, without your anger and fear he is powerless. I no longer fear death. When he comes for me, I will greet him like an old friend... Because he is only one that will lead me back to my family's embrace.

I don't have religion or faith of any kind really. All I have is the knowledge that, one day death will come for me, like he has come for so many before me. And He's the only one that knows the way home.


I know the holidays hurt a little more than regular days, but don't give in the pleasures of sulking. Instead, smile big when you think of the ones that have passed before you. Laugh loudly as if they are still right beside you in those moments. Because pieces of them still are. Carry those pieces with you, and live a life that would make them proud.

 

Happy Holidays,
M

Hugs From Phoenix

Photo by Ryan J Faber

Photo by Ryan J Faber

If you have seen me on tour this fall then you might have heard me close my show on the story about losing my parents. I don't do it every show, just when I feel a certain connection with the audience...It's not exactly a big pick me up finale piece haha

My Stepfather Wayne and I 2011

My Stepfather Wayne and I 2011

Anyways, I started sharing my story in hopes it would show people that you can find laughter in loss and tragedy. Since then, I have received tons messages, tweets and even had audience members share their loss with me after my shows. I had no idea how many people were sharing the same thoughts and feelings I had been experiencing until I began to open up on stage.

Two nights ago in Phoenix I closed my show by sharing my story and reminding the crowd to let the people they love, know that they love them, because you just don't know what's gonna happen and you might not get the chance to tell them again.

A man came up to me afterwards and hugged me like we were family. He told me he lost his mother five years ago that day. He went on to tell me how vibrate and funny and full of life his mother was and how much she would have loved my show. My heart broke for this man. I felt his pain in his words and watched as his hands trembled when spoke of his mother. We hugged again, and then he went on to tell me how much it helped to hear those words at the end of my show as he started to tear up. We hugged once more, only longer and tighter as I let him cry a little locked in my embrace and without judgement.

Comedy has taken me literally all over the world. It's put food on my table and introduced me to so many truly incredible people. Now, it's opening up a new level of connection between me and my audience and It feels so good to be able to help. Even if that means that person gets to escape their own thoughts for a few moments or by letting them know that's it's okay to let laughter echo in the darkness.

IT'S OKAY TO LET LAUGHTER ECHO IN THE DARKNESS.

Mom and I circa 2014

Mom and I circa 2014

I said it before and I'll say it again, let's not continue to give into sulking in the memories of our loved ones who have passed before us. Instead, let's laugh and enjoy our lives as if they were still right there beside us in those moments. Don't feel like you need to stop enjoying your life because they no longer can enjoy theirs. Carry them with you, always and forever and allow yourself to laugh at a well crafted dick joke every once and awhile. ;-)

Hugs from Phoenix,
M

Stephen Colbert is suing Stephen Colbert... Kind of.

Comedy Central is suing Late Show host Stephen Colbert for performing as Stephen Colbert from the infamous Colbert Report.


Stephen Colbert as Stephen Colbert.

Stephen Colbert as Stephen Colbert.

The good people over at Comedy Central were not happy as everyone else was to see the return of "The Word" on CBS's Late Show last week. 

"The Word" was one of Colbert's most popular segments when it was airing on Comedy Central. Since the show is no longer in production the American people were led to believe we would NEVER get a new "Word."

Then the #RNC came to town and our fresh faced Late Show host Stephen Colbert went out into the woods to call on a hero. Someone we haven't seen in a long, long time. Our King, Jon Stewart. Yes, the White Wolf himself. Well Jon was surprised and frightened to hear that the Republican nominee is actually Donald J. Trump. In a panic, Jon runs off screen... We hear some wrestling around and fast paced mummers... and then... Our fearless leader, Stephen Colbert (Colbert Report) appears in the doorway holding Captain America's shield. Rather, his shield. Captain America borrows it from him. Not a lot of people know that. 

The next thing we see is Stephen Colbert being carried in by hot bodied, oiled up half naked Uncle Sams'. Yankee Doodle plays on the speakers and the studio audience goes absolutely bananas. 

 

“The lawyers have spoken. I cannot reasonably argue that I own my face or name. And as much as I would like to have that guy on again, I can’t.”

The American people might have LOVED seeing Stephen Colbert again, but Comedy Central were pretty upset. But should they be? Can they actually sue? Can they "Own" someone in 2016? Yes. Well, kind of. See technically Comedy Central owns "the intellectual property of Colbert Report,” and the character "Stephen Colbert." Okay, so I guess that's really the end of Stephen Colbert (Colbert Report) then right? Sadly, yes. We will NEVER see Stephen Colbert (Colbert Report) on television again. 

“SO IT IS WITH A HEAVY HEART THAT I ANNOUNCE THAT THANKS TO CORPORATE LAWYERS, THE CHARACTER OF STEPHEN COLBERT HOST OF ‘THE COLBERT REPORT,’ WILL NEVER BE SEEN AGAIN.”


New Stephen Colbert

New Stephen Colbert

 

But it's just like they always say, God works in mysterious ways. The Late Night Show host went on to tell the studio audience that luckily Stephen Colbert had an identical twin cousin, "Stephen Colbert." This "New Stephen Colbert" made sure to clarify that he is NOT the Stephen Colbert that was on Comedy Central for over a decade.


😍We even got a new "Werd!"🙃 

Glad Stephen Colbert (Late Show) and Stephen Colbert (Colbert Report) were able to find a compromise. I don't want to live in a world where there is no Stephen Colbert, old or new. 


 

 

LATEST EPISODE: CHRIS COPE SUFFERED A HEART ANEURYSM WHILE ON TOUR IN PENNSYLVANIA AND CAME BACK FROM THE DEAD TO TELL YOU ABOUT IT.


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