New Years & Old Tears
2014 was a roller coaster of emotions and opportunities. This time last year I was with my beautiful girlfriend in Las Vegas doing sold out shows with Brad Garrett at the MGM Grand as my father laid in hospital bed back in Ohio. I felt helpless and guilty and would have given anything to switch him spots. He worked his entire life and did so much for many people, and not just friends but complete strangers. He was the one that deserved to be overlooking that Las Vegas strip from a penthouse suite, not me. Those feelings of greed and guilt still haunt me. But life, well you heard about her, she'll rip your heart out and keep moving... and that's just what she did. I'm just glad I got to see him one last time before he passed.
Time took my father away and then turned around and blessed us with a 2 bedroom house right off Sunset Blvd. I'm not a religious person but consider myself spiritual. I fully believe Wayne helped us get that house. We had been searching for months and then it all magically came together. I remember talking with him about what we were looking for before he passed and then it fell into our lap. After that I got an opportunity to be in a movie, then another one, then another one. My first television appearance happened shortly after that. Then I recorded my new album with tons of new material all triggered by his passing. Life, death, and everything in between and after. I thought wow, Wayne is really calling in all his favors up there haha. Soon after that I got to cowrite and direct my first film with an amazing group of people who have become some of closet friends.
Now here I sit in Syracuse New York about to headline a Funnybone on New Years Eve. It's so special to me because the Funnybone is where I started doing comedy at 19 years old. I always dreamed of seeing my name on the marquee of one and now at 31 years old I'm headlining clubs and theatres all over the country, and as grateful and excited as I am I would trade it all for just one more afternoon with Wayne.
I've been struggling with the idea of being selfish since he passed. I think that's normal when someone close to you passes. It changes the way you look at everything. I think back to all the times I could have said no to a one nighter in the middle of nowhere Kentucky for $100 bucks but I didn't. I've been touring for 46 weeks a year for the past 4 years. I could've spent some of that time with my family, with my girlfriend, with someone I cared about instead of talking to 30 strangers in a bar about my dick but I didn't. I was too selfish. The bitch of it is, if I wasn't so selfish and I didn't push as hard as I did then maybe my family, my girlfriend and people I care about wouldn't be as proud of me as they are.
Life is a map full of forks in the road, and the best advice I can give you is to pick a path, put your foot to the floor and don't look back. You can't look back, because the only thing behind you on that road is regret. Besides, your car doesn't have reverse.
Happy 2014 everybody, pick a path for 2015 and i'll see ya along the way.