Seizing Sandler

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Seizing Sandler

Normally I'm super chill around celebrities. They really don't affect me. BUT, last night I was standing about 10 feet away from Adam Sandler and I totally geeked out.

When I was eleven years old, my mom sent my father upstairs to take away my "dirty" CDs. So, he asked for my Snoop Dogg and Adam Sandler albums. I was so bummed. I tried to fake him out and give him an "Ugly Kid Joe" instead. He didn't go for it. He wanted to hear Snoop Dogg's CD.

My father wanted to hear what was so 'dirty.' So, I played their albums for him. He ended up really liking the Snoop Dogg album "Doggystyle."

Then I played him Adam Sandler 's album "What the Hell Happened to Me." My father laughed so hard that he let me keep it. I remember showing him my favorite tracks and him exploding in laughter. He took Snoop's CD but left me with Adam's and said, 'Don't tell your mother.'

A year later my father died, and my mom set me up with the Big Brothers Big Sisters Program. It's like substitute teachers only for dead parents.

Anyways, Adam Sandler was coming to town for a LIVE CONCERT! I was thirteen and way too excited. My 'Big Brother' Brian took me, and we met Adam. Randomly in the alley outside the theater.

Seeing Adam last night made me feel like a kid again. I was standing just a few feet away... frozen... not sure what to say. It made me think of my father and I laughing in my bedroom. The secrets you keep from your mother, and the humor I grew up on.

I listened to "What's Your Name" the other day with a friend. We laughed just as hard as when we were young. So, I guess what I wanted to say was, thanks for the memories, Adam.

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Healing for the Holidays

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Healing for the Holidays

Another holiday passes by without my mom and Wayne, and it's left me with some thoughts about loss...


To those who have lost loved ones or parents like I have. I would love to tell you it gets easier. That life moves fast, and you before long you'll eventually become numb. I'd love to tell you that if you surround yourself with family and friends that you won't even notice the missing links after time. But I'd be lying.

Holidays seem to move in slow motion. It's a cruel joke that the universe likes to play on us. Time seems to stop just long enough to hurt us in ways we could never imagine.

See, Death has no emotional attachments. Death has no family or friends of his own. The grim reaper is merely a debt collector. Taking names on his list and shattering surrounding lives into tiny broken pieces. Death never turns back to check the wreckage he caused because Death himself is empty, tired and alone.

So as I spend the rest of my life picking up piece after piece of a puzzle that I'll never be able to put back together, Death laughs to himself, as he watches over me. Watching and waiting... Waiting and watching... waiting patiently to take me. Ever so slightly grazing past my shoulder or whispering in my ear. Taunting me. Taunting all of us, as we gaze longingly at photographs and ugly cry in our cars. Death enjoys watching us suffer. He gets off on it.

Well, fuck that.

I will no longer indulge in such suffrage. I will no longer give him the pleasure of grinning over shattered puzzle pieces. I will celebrate him instead. I will cherish the time I had with my mother and think of her memory only in harmonious ways. I will no longer be a slave to death and his list of names. I will no longer hold a grudge towards Death, because the truth is... that's exactly what he wants. He wants us to be angry. He feeds off it. The irony is, death feels so much more alive when he's held accountable for his actions. He loves the attention. He wants to remain constant in our minds because without it, without your anger and fear he is powerless. I no longer fear death. When he comes for me, I will greet him like an old friend... Because he is only one that will lead me back to my family's embrace.

I don't have religion or faith of any kind really. All I have is the knowledge that, one day death will come for me, like he has come for so many before me. And He's the only one that knows the way home.


I know the holidays hurt a little more than regular days, but don't give in the pleasures of sulking. Instead, smile big when you think of the ones that have passed before you. Laugh loudly as if they are still right beside you in those moments. Because pieces of them still are. Carry those pieces with you, and live a life that would make them proud.

 

Happy Holidays,
M

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Bethlehem Soundtrack - FREE DOWNLOAD

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Bethlehem Soundtrack - FREE DOWNLOAD

The film score for Bethlehem is completely original music by Singer/Song Writer Ryan M Brewer. Sign up for his mailing list and receive a FREE download of the music from Bethlehem. Ryan will also keep you updated on upcoming tour dates and new music releases. Enjoy!

Discover More Music From Ryan M Brewer --> Click Here 



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Hugs From Phoenix

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Hugs From Phoenix

Photo by Ryan J Faber

Photo by Ryan J Faber

If you have seen me on tour this fall then you might have heard me close my show on the story about losing my parents. I don't do it every show, just when I feel a certain connection with the audience...It's not exactly a big pick me up finale piece haha

My Stepfather Wayne and I 2011

My Stepfather Wayne and I 2011

Anyways, I started sharing my story in hopes it would show people that you can find laughter in loss and tragedy. Since then, I have received tons messages, tweets and even had audience members share their loss with me after my shows. I had no idea how many people were sharing the same thoughts and feelings I had been experiencing until I began to open up on stage.

Two nights ago in Phoenix I closed my show by sharing my story and reminding the crowd to let the people they love, know that they love them, because you just don't know what's gonna happen and you might not get the chance to tell them again.

A man came up to me afterwards and hugged me like we were family. He told me he lost his mother five years ago that day. He went on to tell me how vibrate and funny and full of life his mother was and how much she would have loved my show. My heart broke for this man. I felt his pain in his words and watched as his hands trembled when spoke of his mother. We hugged again, and then he went on to tell me how much it helped to hear those words at the end of my show as he started to tear up. We hugged once more, only longer and tighter as I let him cry a little locked in my embrace and without judgement.

Comedy has taken me literally all over the world. It's put food on my table and introduced me to so many truly incredible people. Now, it's opening up a new level of connection between me and my audience and It feels so good to be able to help. Even if that means that person gets to escape their own thoughts for a few moments or by letting them know that's it's okay to let laughter echo in the darkness.

IT'S OKAY TO LET LAUGHTER ECHO IN THE DARKNESS.

Mom and I circa 2014

Mom and I circa 2014

I said it before and I'll say it again, let's not continue to give into sulking in the memories of our loved ones who have passed before us. Instead, let's laugh and enjoy our lives as if they were still right there beside us in those moments. Don't feel like you need to stop enjoying your life because they no longer can enjoy theirs. Carry them with you, always and forever and allow yourself to laugh at a well crafted dick joke every once and awhile. ;-)

Hugs from Phoenix,
M

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It's Christmas, Stupid.

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It's Christmas, Stupid.

As most of you already know, last year I co-wrote, directed and starred in a dark comedy about a family that was falling apart as they came together for the Holidays. The film got rave reviews and won "Best Picture" in several film festivals and is up for even more this year including "Best Comedy/Drama" and "Best Ensemble Cast." I am beyond proud of this cast and crew and the journey of the film. However, nobody outside of the festival circuit really got to watch it.

So this year I decided to break the film down into a five part series and put it up on YouTube for ALL of you to see this Holiday season! :-)

Well, the time has come and it is NOW AVAILABLE! So escape from family dinner. Grab a bottle of wine, maybe a Christmas tree to smoke ;-) and treat yourself to a binge session of my dark comedy original series, "Bethlehem."

If you enjoy it, please help us spread the word. Tweet about it. Facebook it. Instagram that sh*t. Whatever it is you do, please help us out and SHARE! Happy Holidays everybody!

WATCH. LAUGH. SHARE!

"LIKE “ROSEANNE” AND JOHN HUGHES COMEDIES, IT SPLITS YOUR SIDES AND THEN SNEAKS UP ON YOU WITH WARMLY FAMILIAR, HEARTFELT MOMENTS."

- SAM WATERMEIER -

“IT’S FUNNY, MOVING AND ABOVE ALL, FIENDISHLY ENTERTAINING."

- Philip Smolen -

"MALONE CLEARLY UNDERSTANDS THAT SOMETIMES HUMOR IS FOUND IN THE SILENCE AND IN WHAT'S NOT SAID, AS MUCH AS WHAT IS SAID."

- RICHARD PROPES -

"JUST FEELS FRESH AND UNIQUE."

- James DePaolo -

"IT’S RUDE AND CRUDE BUT ALSO BATHED IN A WARM LIGHT, AS IF FILMED THROUGH A HAZE OF NOSTALGIA."

- Sam Watermeier -

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Stephen Colbert is suing Stephen Colbert... Kind of.

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Stephen Colbert is suing Stephen Colbert... Kind of.

Comedy Central is suing Late Show host Stephen Colbert for performing as Stephen Colbert from the infamous Colbert Report.


Stephen Colbert as Stephen Colbert.

Stephen Colbert as Stephen Colbert.

The good people over at Comedy Central were not happy as everyone else was to see the return of "The Word" on CBS's Late Show last week. 

"The Word" was one of Colbert's most popular segments when it was airing on Comedy Central. Since the show is no longer in production the American people were led to believe we would NEVER get a new "Word."

Then the #RNC came to town and our fresh faced Late Show host Stephen Colbert went out into the woods to call on a hero. Someone we haven't seen in a long, long time. Our King, Jon Stewart. Yes, the White Wolf himself. Well Jon was surprised and frightened to hear that the Republican nominee is actually Donald J. Trump. In a panic, Jon runs off screen... We hear some wrestling around and fast paced mummers... and then... Our fearless leader, Stephen Colbert (Colbert Report) appears in the doorway holding Captain America's shield. Rather, his shield. Captain America borrows it from him. Not a lot of people know that. 

The next thing we see is Stephen Colbert being carried in by hot bodied, oiled up half naked Uncle Sams'. Yankee Doodle plays on the speakers and the studio audience goes absolutely bananas. 

 

“The lawyers have spoken. I cannot reasonably argue that I own my face or name. And as much as I would like to have that guy on again, I can’t.”

The American people might have LOVED seeing Stephen Colbert again, but Comedy Central were pretty upset. But should they be? Can they actually sue? Can they "Own" someone in 2016? Yes. Well, kind of. See technically Comedy Central owns "the intellectual property of Colbert Report,” and the character "Stephen Colbert." Okay, so I guess that's really the end of Stephen Colbert (Colbert Report) then right? Sadly, yes. We will NEVER see Stephen Colbert (Colbert Report) on television again. 

“SO IT IS WITH A HEAVY HEART THAT I ANNOUNCE THAT THANKS TO CORPORATE LAWYERS, THE CHARACTER OF STEPHEN COLBERT HOST OF ‘THE COLBERT REPORT,’ WILL NEVER BE SEEN AGAIN.”


New Stephen Colbert

New Stephen Colbert

 

But it's just like they always say, God works in mysterious ways. The Late Night Show host went on to tell the studio audience that luckily Stephen Colbert had an identical twin cousin, "Stephen Colbert." This "New Stephen Colbert" made sure to clarify that he is NOT the Stephen Colbert that was on Comedy Central for over a decade.


😍We even got a new "Werd!"🙃 

Glad Stephen Colbert (Late Show) and Stephen Colbert (Colbert Report) were able to find a compromise. I don't want to live in a world where there is no Stephen Colbert, old or new. 


 

 

LATEST EPISODE: CHRIS COPE SUFFERED A HEART ANEURYSM WHILE ON TOUR IN PENNSYLVANIA AND CAME BACK FROM THE DEAD TO TELL YOU ABOUT IT.


WE WANT TO HEAR FROM YOU!

WHAT DO YOU THINK? DOES COMEDY CENTRAL HAVE A RIGHT TO SUE? COMMENT BELOW...

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Uncle Bernie Still Loves You

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Uncle Bernie Still Loves You

Here are the two most important things I think Bernie Sanders said in his speech on opening night at the DNC. 

"This election is not about Hillary Clinton, or Donald Trump or Bernie Sanders.."

It's important to remember that you're not voting for a personally. I think sometimes voters get locked into something they like about a person, or personality and ignore doing any research on their policies. These guys know what they are doing. They are professionally trained to get you to like them. 

John F. Kennedy was handsome, and one of the first candidates to have television in his tool kit. So he took advantage of that, he would do more televised advertising than radio. Reagan was a movie star, so he would hang out with other movie stars to show off and you trick you into thinking, "Oh well if John Wayne hangs out with him then, he must be cool." Clinton played the saxophone on the Arsenio Hall Show. Fuck, even Barack Obama got coffee in a car with Seinfeld. 

I'm not saying you have to vote for someone you hate, just do the additional research. This election isn't about how "Straight Talking" Donald Trump is. Or how Bernie "Doesn't comb his hair", or even how "shrill" Hillary Clinton seems. It's about what these people stand for. More importantly, what YOU stand for. Will this candidate going to move this country in the direction you'd be proud to be apart of? We're not going to agree with anyone on everything so don't get too crazy. I don't need herds of people suddenly writing their own name on the ballot. That's not my goal here. 

I just wanted to give you a friendly reminder, don't vote for just a personality. Vote for policies that you have researched and stand behind.  

"The stakes are too high not to vote for Hillary Clinton."

Oh boy... Well, here's where it gets messy. If you have two eyes and common sense you can already see that we are in trouble. Donald Trump would literally destroy our country. He already has asked his VP pick Mike Pence to be in charge of foreign and domestic policy. Yeah... Let that set in for a second. So you're not voting for Trump even, you're voting for Mike Pence which I don't know if you know anything about him but, FFFUUUUCCCKKKKKK!!! 

Donald Jr. explained that his father’s vice president would be in charge of domestic and foreign policy.
— Kasich’s adviser
Donald Trump mocking a New York Times reporter's muscular disorder.

Donald Trump mocking a New York Times reporter's muscular disorder.

WHAT'S A MIKE PENCE?

Michael Richard "MikePence (born June 7, 1959) is an American politician and attorney. He has been serving since 2013 as the 50th Governor of Indiana. You remember Mike, he was the guy agreeing that Gay people shouldn't have the right to buy wedding cakes and pizza! Yeah, Mike... He also voted to debunk Planned Parenthood and make abortions illegal. Great guy! You'd love ol' Mike. 

 

*Anti-abortion and a longtime critic of Planned Parenthood.

*Pence was at the center of intense controversy over whether Indiana’s "religious freedom" law was anti-LGBTQ.

*Pence still argues that "smoking doesn’t kill."

*Pence was an early advocate for the tea party movement.

Read More

And those are just some of the highlights... The point is this. You're mixing Pence's Anti-Abortion laws, enforcing Religious Freedom Bills and reversing Gay Marriage with Trump's stance on the deportation of Muslims. His plans on building a wall, his public and very pandering refusal to support the #BlackLivesMatter movement. His views of heroism towards leaders like Putin and Kim Jong Un. His lack in faith in the US Military and disconnect with women's issues, views, anything really involving women at all. I mean, this is what we are up against. 

Donald Trump said he was going to build a wall, well he already has. He just keeps building them. He has been putting walls up between the American people and we didn't even notice. We were too busy stacking brick by brick ourselves. Donald Trump isn't a great leader, he is a great distracter. The greatest magician to ever live.

 Trump keeps providing these amazing illusions but yet never revealing how he's gonna do it. "You wanna see me pull a rabbit out of a hat? I'm gonna do it folks!" The crowd chants and cheers.... And then, he never does it. He just keeps telling people how excited the rabbit is to help out. How the rabbit loves America. Then someone will ask to see him do the trick and he pulls out a deck of cards instead and moves on.

He keeps distracting us with promises of these incredible feats yet, never actually performing them. Am I the only person peeking behind the curtain thinking, "Hey, there is no rabbit.. There's just a bunch of empty boxes and glitter backstage." He is the Republican nominee and has not spoken one word about one policy yet. The election is less than six months away. How is that even possible? It's like buying one of those clearance grab bags at a store closing and just hoping a big screen TV and jet ski are inside it. Google one video of him explaining one clear idea on how he is going to make any change on any promise he is making. I'll wait.... 

Like any great magician I understand you can't reveal how you're going to do the magic trick but you should at least be able to shuffle a deck of cards right? 

Of course people are relating to Trump's speech. He's saying all the things he thinks you want to hear. He's like a boyfriend who's trying to get laid... "No no I Agree, toupe is a great color for this room. You're the smartest. And prettiest and best kisser and we're gonna paint this room and Mexico is gonna pay for it.

You know how I know Trump is a monster? It's simple. He takes the word "People" away. He says "The Gays, The Mexicans, The Blacks.." Not Gay, Mexican or Black PEOPLE. He has zero compassion for people, he looks at people as objects to manipulate. So I hope all The Chairs, and The Shoes vote for him, because The People won't.

He is playing on America's fears. And I get it, when you're hiding under your bed it's hard to check the facts. So Barack Obama did for you.

The violent crime is lowest in three decades. Illegal migration in THE LOWEST since the eighties and nineties. Our economy is on the rise.  Our military is the strongest and healthiest it's ever been in history. But Trump keeps you telling you how "Terrible" everything is. How we need to fix it. We don't need "fixed." We are already great. We are better than ever. 


We need to come together. It's not about not allowing Donald Trump in the White House. It's about not allowing what he stands for in the White House. 

 


 

 

 

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Punched Up: Happy Birthday America!

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Punched Up: Happy Birthday America!


America is 240 years old this year! To help celebrate we have gathered the funniest jokes about aging we could find. 

READ. LAUGH. SHARE!


Getting to old to read? No problem. Here are a few video clips for ya.

WATCH. LAUGH. SHARE!


Listen to the latest episode of Punched Up. Bill Blank talks about his first kiss, and how Stand Up became a vaccine for his crippling anxiety.  


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Punched Up : Funny Father's Day Quotes

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Punched Up : Funny Father's Day Quotes

Not sure how to express yourself on Father's Day? Let us help! Here are some of the funniest quotes from our favorite comedians that you can print, pass around or just randomly quote during dinner to make your dad laugh!

Now that we got you laughing, and your dad is passed out on the couch. Put your headphones in and binge listen to "Punched Up!" 


GREAT COMEDIANS. GREAT STORIES. TOLD DIFFERENTLY.

You can start by listening to Comedian Ben Gleib share his struggle with his speech impediment. How he got rid of it, and the time it came back to haunt him on national television. Enjoy!


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Malone's Mixtape - March 2016

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Malone's Mixtape - March 2016

Here is the official mixtape for March 2016! I wanted to kick things off right and get you moving. I recently came across Lushlife while searching some old Killer Mike tracks. He reminds me a lot like Lupe Fiasco. I wanted to put his whole album on here, it's incredible. Make sure you take the time to check out the rest of his collection. 

Keeping that energy up we cut right to GoldLink. Comedian/Actor Al Jackson turned me onto this guy. We were blasting this song on our tour bus as we rolled through tiny German villages. It's impossible not to have a good time when this song is on. 

Following GoldLink we go wwwaayyy back to one of Outkast's first singles "Elevators." Me and you, your momma and your cousin too were all listening to this song on repeat when it came out. All time jam of the century. Now that we slowed things down we switch over to a little slow crawl funk sounds of Moses Sumney. We keep that nice chill vibe and bleed into a really unquie band called the Japanese House. "Cool Blue" sounds like it's from the future and the past. Really fun and unique track. 

This is where we slip the switch. We go from slow jam funk to the chilling lyrics and haunting chorus from singer/song writer Ryan M Brewer. The story he weaves together in this live version of "The Poet, The Prophet, The Wolf" is absolutely beautiful. 

Next track is from one of my favorite bands "The Head and The Heart." We saw them live last year here in Los Angeles. Such a great show. Everyone should experience a Head and the Heart concert before they die. It's incredibly chill and reflective. 

"Michigan" by Josh Rouse has a special place in my heart. It says all the things I wanted to say to my parents when I moved away. It's not that I wanted to leave, it's that I had to leave. That town was too small for the things I wanted to do. Honestly I tear up every time I hear, "Mom I'm sorry, I was wrong, Dad I'm sorry 'cause I just couldn't stay in that town, Where everyone knows everything about me..."

We follow it up with Bear's Den who is a great band that's signed to Mumford and Son's record label. Their entire album is solid.

"Washington Square" is one of my favorite songs of all time. It's about packing up and heading out on tour. I always like the line "Time is a number, That rests on a wall, And nobody knows me, My friends and my family, Are as far from this city, As Washington Square.." I often feel that way. Just alone out in the world. Far, far away from anyone who knows who I am. Thrilling and terrifying at the same time. 

I felt like Modest Mouse's "Dramamine" is the only song that could follow "Washington Square." It's slow yet engaging. It's sad but fun. It's weird mellow pick me up song. 

Kail Baxley is a recent discovery but now I want to hear everything he's every done haha. His voice is super addictive. It reminds me a lot of the haunting sounds of The National or Sun Kil Moon. 

In an attempt to pick up the pace I slipped in a little Beirut. I think the song sounds like how Rocko's Modern Life looked. We keep the pace up with the gospel anthem sounds of Ben Howard. You can't go wrong with Ben, he's easily one of my all time favorites. "The Wolves" is off his first album which is a bulletproof classic. 

We end things with a throw back "Come on and Move Me" from the Monarchs. Perfect way to end the March Mixtape. It's up beat yet slow. The lyrics are great and her voice is haunting. It kind of mixes all the sounds you heard through out the playlist into one track. 

Hope you enjoy this mix and please let me know what you're listening to. I always love finding new bands. 
 

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