Seizing Sandler

Normally I'm super chill around celebrities. They really don't affect me. BUT, last night I was standing about 10 feet away from Adam Sandler and I totally geeked out.

When I was eleven years old, my mom sent my father upstairs to take away my "dirty" CDs. So, he asked for my Snoop Dogg and Adam Sandler albums. I was so bummed. I tried to fake him out and give him an "Ugly Kid Joe" instead. He didn't go for it. He wanted to hear Snoop Dogg's CD.

My father wanted to hear what was so 'dirty.' So, I played their albums for him. He ended up really liking the Snoop Dogg album "Doggystyle."

Then I played him Adam Sandler 's album "What the Hell Happened to Me." My father laughed so hard that he let me keep it. I remember showing him my favorite tracks and him exploding in laughter. He took Snoop's CD but left me with Adam's and said, 'Don't tell your mother.'

A year later my father died, and my mom set me up with the Big Brothers Big Sisters Program. It's like substitute teachers only for dead parents.

Anyways, Adam Sandler was coming to town for a LIVE CONCERT! I was thirteen and way too excited. My 'Big Brother' Brian took me, and we met Adam. Randomly in the alley outside the theater.

Seeing Adam last night made me feel like a kid again. I was standing just a few feet away... frozen... not sure what to say. It made me think of my father and I laughing in my bedroom. The secrets you keep from your mother, and the humor I grew up on.

I listened to "What's Your Name" the other day with a friend. We laughed just as hard as when we were young. So, I guess what I wanted to say was, thanks for the memories, Adam.

Healing for the Holidays

Another holiday passes by without my mom and Wayne, and it's left me with some thoughts about loss...

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To those who have lost loved ones or parents like I have. I would love to tell you it gets easier. That life moves fast, and you before long you'll eventually become numb. I'd love to tell you that if you surround yourself with family and friends that you won't even notice the missing links after time. But I'd be lying.

Holidays seem to move in slow motion. It's a cruel joke that the universe likes to play on us. Time seems to stop just long enough to hurt us in ways we could never imagine.

See, Death has no emotional attachments. Death has no family or friends of his own. The grim reaper is merely a debt collector. Taking names on his list and shattering surrounding lives into tiny broken pieces. Death never turns back to check the wreckage he caused because Death himself is empty, tired and alone.

So as I spend the rest of my life picking up piece after piece of a puzzle that I'll never be able to put back together, Death laughs to himself, as he watches over me. Watching and waiting... Waiting and watching... waiting patiently to take me. Ever so slightly grazing past my shoulder or whispering in my ear. Taunting me. Taunting all of us, as we gaze longingly at photographs and ugly cry in our cars. Death enjoys watching us suffer. He gets off on it.

Well, fuck that.

I will no longer indulge in such suffrage. I will no longer give him the pleasure of grinning over shattered puzzle pieces. I will celebrate him instead. I will cherish the time I had with my mother and think of her memory only in harmonious ways. I will no longer be a slave to death and his list of names. I will no longer hold a grudge towards Death, because the truth is... that's exactly what he wants. He wants us to be angry. He feeds off it. The irony is, death feels so much more alive when he's held accountable for his actions. He loves the attention. He wants to remain constant in our minds because without it, without your anger and fear he is powerless. I no longer fear death. When he comes for me, I will greet him like an old friend... Because he is only one that will lead me back to my family's embrace.

I don't have religion or faith of any kind really. All I have is the knowledge that, one day death will come for me, like he has come for so many before me. And He's the only one that knows the way home.

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I know the holidays hurt a little more than regular days, but don't give in the pleasures of sulking. Instead, smile big when you think of the ones that have passed before you. Laugh loudly as if they are still right beside you in those moments. Because pieces of them still are. Carry those pieces with you, and live a life that would make them proud.

Happy Holidays,
M

Bethlehem Soundtrack - FREE DOWNLOAD

The film score for Bethlehem is completely original music by Singer/Song Writer Ryan M Brewer. Sign up for his mailing list and receive a FREE download of the music from Bethlehem. Ryan will also keep you updated on upcoming tour dates and new music releases. Enjoy!

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Hugs From Phoenix

Photo by Ryan J Faber

If you have seen me on tour this fall then you might have heard me close my show on the story about losing my parents. I don't do it every show, just when I feel a certain connection with the audience...It's not exactly a big pick me up finale piece haha

My Stepfather Wayne and I 2011

Anyways, I started sharing my story in hopes it would show people that you can find laughter in loss and tragedy. Since then, I have received tons messages, tweets and even had audience members share their loss with me after my shows. I had no idea how many people were sharing the same thoughts and feelings I had been experiencing until I began to open up on stage.

Two nights ago in Phoenix I closed my show by sharing my story and reminding the crowd to let the people they love, know that they love them, because you just don't know what's gonna happen and you might not get the chance to tell them again.

A man came up to me afterwards and hugged me like we were family. He told me he lost his mother five years ago that day. He went on to tell me how vibrate and funny and full of life his mother was and how much she would have loved my show. My heart broke for this man. I felt his pain in his words and watched as his hands trembled when spoke of his mother. We hugged again, and then he went on to tell me how much it helped to hear those words at the end of my show as he started to tear up. We hugged once more, only longer and tighter as I let him cry a little locked in my embrace and without judgement.

Comedy has taken me literally all over the world. It's put food on my table and introduced me to so many truly incredible people. Now, it's opening up a new level of connection between me and my audience and It feels so good to be able to help. Even if that means that person gets to escape their own thoughts for a few moments or by letting them know that's it's okay to let laughter echo in the darkness.

IT'S OKAY TO LET LAUGHTER ECHO IN THE DARKNESS.

Mom and I circa 2014

I said it before and I'll say it again, let's not continue to give into sulking in the memories of our loved ones who have passed before us. Instead, let's laugh and enjoy our lives as if they were still right there beside us in those moments. Don't feel like you need to stop enjoying your life because they no longer can enjoy theirs. Carry them with you, always and forever and allow yourself to laugh at a well crafted dick joke every once and awhile. ;-)

Hugs from Phoenix,
M

It's Christmas, Stupid.

As most of you already know, last year I co-wrote, directed and starred in a dark comedy about a family that was falling apart as they came together for the Holidays. The film got rave reviews and won "Best Picture" in several film festivals and is up for even more this year including "Best Comedy/Drama" and "Best Ensemble Cast." I am beyond proud of this cast and crew and the journey of the film. However, nobody outside of the festival circuit really got to watch it.

So this year I decided to break the film down into a five part series and put it up on YouTube for ALL of you to see this Holiday season! :-)

Well, the time has come and it is NOW AVAILABLE! So escape from family dinner. Grab a bottle of wine, maybe a Christmas tree to smoke ;-) and treat yourself to a binge session of my dark comedy original series, "Bethlehem."

If you enjoy it, please help us spread the word. Tweet about it. Facebook it. Instagram that sh*t. Whatever it is you do, please help us out and SHARE! Happy Holidays everybody!

WATCH. LAUGH. SHARE!

"LIKE “ROSEANNE” AND JOHN HUGHES COMEDIES, IT SPLITS YOUR SIDES AND THEN SNEAKS UP ON YOU WITH WARMLY FAMILIAR, HEARTFELT MOMENTS."

- SAM WATERMEIER -

“IT’S FUNNY, MOVING AND ABOVE ALL, FIENDISHLY ENTERTAINING."

- Philip Smolen -

"MALONE CLEARLY UNDERSTANDS THAT SOMETIMES HUMOR IS FOUND IN THE SILENCE AND IN WHAT'S NOT SAID, AS MUCH AS WHAT IS SAID."

- RICHARD PROPES -

"JUST FEELS FRESH AND UNIQUE."

- James DePaolo -

"IT’S RUDE AND CRUDE BUT ALSO BATHED IN A WARM LIGHT, AS IF FILMED THROUGH A HAZE OF NOSTALGIA."

- Sam Watermeier -

Stephen Colbert is suing Stephen Colbert... Kind of.

Comedy Central is suing Late Show host Stephen Colbert for performing as Stephen Colbert from the infamous Colbert Report.

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Stephen Colbert as Stephen Colbert.

The good people over at Comedy Central were not happy as everyone else was to see the return of "The Word" on CBS's Late Show last week. 

"The Word" was one of Colbert's most popular segments when it was airing on Comedy Central. Since the show is no longer in production the American people were led to believe we would NEVER get a new "Word."

Jon Stewart Coming Back to TV Like...

Then the #RNC came to town and our fresh faced Late Show host Stephen Colbert went out into the woods to call on a hero. Someone we haven't seen in a long, long time. Our King, Jon Stewart. Yes, the White Wolf himself. Well Jon was surprised and frightened to hear that the Republican nominee is actually Donald J. Trump. In a panic, Jon runs off screen... We hear some wrestling around and fast paced mummers... and then... Our fearless leader, Stephen Colbert (Colbert Report) appears in the doorway holding Captain America's shield. Rather, his shield. Captain America borrows it from him. Not a lot of people know that. 

The next thing we see is Stephen Colbert being carried in by hot bodied, oiled up half naked Uncle Sams'. Yankee Doodle plays on the speakers and the studio audience goes absolutely bananas. 

“The lawyers have spoken. I cannot reasonably argue that I own my face or name. And as much as I would like to have that guy on again, I can’t.”

The American people might have LOVED seeing Stephen Colbert again, but Comedy Central were pretty upset. But should they be? Can they actually sue? Can they "Own" someone in 2016? Yes. Well, kind of. See technically Comedy Central owns "the intellectual property of Colbert Report,” and the character "Stephen Colbert." Okay, so I guess that's really the end of Stephen Colbert (Colbert Report) then right? Sadly, yes. We will NEVER see Stephen Colbert (Colbert Report) on television again. 

“SO IT IS WITH A HEAVY HEART THAT I ANNOUNCE THAT THANKS TO CORPORATE LAWYERS, THE CHARACTER OF STEPHEN COLBERT HOST OF ‘THE COLBERT REPORT,’ WILL NEVER BE SEEN AGAIN.”

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New Stephen Colbert

But it's just like they always say, God works in mysterious ways. The Late Night Show host went on to tell the studio audience that luckily Stephen Colbert had an identical twin cousin, "Stephen Colbert." This "New Stephen Colbert" made sure to clarify that he is NOT the Stephen Colbert that was on Comedy Central for over a decade.

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😍We even got a new "Werd!"🙃 

Glad Stephen Colbert (Late Show) and Stephen Colbert (Colbert Report) were able to find a compromise. I don't want to live in a world where there is no Stephen Colbert, old or new. 

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LATEST EPISODE: CHRIS COPE SUFFERED A HEART ANEURYSM WHILE ON TOUR IN PENNSYLVANIA AND CAME BACK FROM THE DEAD TO TELL YOU ABOUT IT.

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WE WANT TO HEAR FROM YOU!

WHAT DO YOU THINK? DOES COMEDY CENTRAL HAVE A RIGHT TO SUE? COMMENT BELOW...

Malone's Mixtape - March 2016

Here is the official mixtape for March 2016! I wanted to kick things off right and get you moving. I recently came across Lushlife while searching some old Killer Mike tracks. He reminds me a lot like Lupe Fiasco. I wanted to put his whole album on here, it's incredible. Make sure you take the time to check out the rest of his collection. 

Keeping that energy up we cut right to GoldLink. Comedian/Actor Al Jackson turned me onto this guy. We were blasting this song on our tour bus as we rolled through tiny German villages. It's impossible not to have a good time when this song is on. 

Following GoldLink we go wwwaayyy back to one of Outkast's first singles "Elevators." Me and you, your momma and your cousin too were all listening to this song on repeat when it came out. All time jam of the century. Now that we slowed things down we switch over to a little slow crawl funk sounds of Moses Sumney. We keep that nice chill vibe and bleed into a really unquie band called the Japanese House. "Cool Blue" sounds like it's from the future and the past. Really fun and unique track. 

This is where we slip the switch. We go from slow jam funk to the chilling lyrics and haunting chorus from singer/song writer Ryan M Brewer. The story he weaves together in this live version of "The Poet, The Prophet, The Wolf" is absolutely beautiful. 

Next track is from one of my favorite bands "The Head and The Heart." We saw them live last year here in Los Angeles. Such a great show. Everyone should experience a Head and the Heart concert before they die. It's incredibly chill and reflective. 

"Michigan" by Josh Rouse has a special place in my heart. It says all the things I wanted to say to my parents when I moved away. It's not that I wanted to leave, it's that I had to leave. That town was too small for the things I wanted to do. Honestly I tear up every time I hear, "Mom I'm sorry, I was wrong, Dad I'm sorry 'cause I just couldn't stay in that town, Where everyone knows everything about me..."

We follow it up with Bear's Den who is a great band that's signed to Mumford and Son's record label. Their entire album is solid.

"Washington Square" is one of my favorite songs of all time. It's about packing up and heading out on tour. I always like the line "Time is a number, That rests on a wall, And nobody knows me, My friends and my family, Are as far from this city, As Washington Square.." I often feel that way. Just alone out in the world. Far, far away from anyone who knows who I am. Thrilling and terrifying at the same time. 

I felt like Modest Mouse's "Dramamine" is the only song that could follow "Washington Square." It's slow yet engaging. It's sad but fun. It's weird mellow pick me up song. 

Kail Baxley is a recent discovery but now I want to hear everything he's every done haha. His voice is super addictive. It reminds me a lot of the haunting sounds of The National or Sun Kil Moon. 

In an attempt to pick up the pace I slipped in a little Beirut. I think the song sounds like how Rocko's Modern Life looked. We keep the pace up with the gospel anthem sounds of Ben Howard. You can't go wrong with Ben, he's easily one of my all time favorites. "The Wolves" is off his first album which is a bulletproof classic. 

We end things with a throw back "Come on and Move Me" from the Monarchs. Perfect way to end the March Mixtape. It's up beat yet slow. The lyrics are great and her voice is haunting. It kind of mixes all the sounds you heard through out the playlist into one track. 

Hope you enjoy this mix and please let me know what you're listening to. I always love finding new bands. 
 

Malone's Mixtape - February 2016

Here it is, a mixtape full of songs that will keep you warm for the month of February. I kick it off with the haunting vocals of a great band called "First Aid Kit." Their full album is AMAZING and I highly recommend it for summer. From there I throw in a new one from Cage the Elephant and follow it with one of my favorite singer/songwriter's Nathaniel Rateliff. He plays with his full band "The Night Sweats" for a throw back 60's rock sound that is guaranteed to be your new favorite jam. Moving on to another favorite of mine, the Counting Crows. You can never go wrong with them. Then we start to slow it down with a personal favorite from the Dawes. We stay in that mellow mood with a song from the National and a Modest Mouse cover by Sun Kil Moon. Then we pick it up again with a couple good friends and phenomenal songwriter friends of mine, Ryan M Brewer and Sam Brenner. From there we bring it on home with Ben Howard, Wilco and a track from Milo Greene. Enjoy!

Empty House Empty Hearts

It rained for seven days after my mother died. The only day it didn't, we had her funeral. It was bright, sunny and you could feel a familiar warmth hug around everyone's shoulders that morning. The air was full of that midwest smog that tends to linger after a hard summer rain. After the pastor put the final flower on my mother's casket, big storm clouds began to roll in. I'd like to think she kept us dry that morning. You know, so we didn't mess up our hair. Hair was always very important to my mother.

My mother took this photo of me promoting my shows from our hotel. She didn't want to go to the studio. Look closely and you can the box of bananas she brought for our three day stay.

After my step father passed away, I took mom on tour with me and half of her bags were full of volumizers, curling irons, teasers, brushes, combs, and one large hair dryers complete with all kinds of wacky attachments. One of them looked like a silencer from an old 007 flick. In the rare occasion you have to dry your hair, at the library.Her suitcase would barely zip all the way shut. Jolly ranchers, king size snickerz bars and homemade apple pies (Yes, plural) would be bursting out of those bags. I honestly think she only brought one change of clothes with us. Saving room for the sweet tea I suppose.

"Ma, we're going to Toledo... It's like two hours away. If we get THIS desperate and hungry, I'll drive us home." I said with a chuckle.

My mother would sit and quietly read while I was getting ready for shows. The calm before the storm.

I loved having her on tour with me. I liked doing new material for her. I liked slipping in lines in my set that night that we used while joking around in private earlier that day. Inside jokes for just her and I. We had a special relationship. One that most children don't get to experience with their parents.

After she passed, I went back to Ohio to clean out her house before it was sold. I remember standing out on the back porch. The sun was shining. Not only shining, but like a picture perfect afternoon. The kind of sunny day you see on breakfast food commercials. I stood thinking, "Look how perfect it is" Not one blade of grass is out of place. Hell, I can hear the laughter of children from a few houses down. The world does not care that mother just died. It hasn't missed a step. Why doesn't the world know how hurt I am? Why isn't the world hurting like me? I felt so alone. So very, very small and so very, very alone.

"Okay Mom, I need a sign. I need something that tells me that you're okay. I need to know you can hear me. I need to still be able to communicate! Send me a sign!" I shouted out at the perfectly painted sky. Then I impatiently waited for a few minutes. Pacing back and forth.

"Show me something! Anything! I need this mom!" I continued shout.

I needed to know we were still connected. I needed to know that I wasn't alone. I waited a few more moments before turning to go inside. I had given up. I had to face it, the ugly truth;

I have been left behind. After thirty two years on this earth, I was orphan. 

I grabbed for the door handle.. then I heard the roar of thunder roll in. A down pour of rain came in from the fields. It rained hard and it rained fast. I cried.. cause, well.. I thought that was her crying, and I never saw my mother cry. It scared me. It reassured me. Then it was gone. The sun came back out and if you were three miles south you would have never known it rained that day. I stood on that empty porch for a few moments, grinning from ear to ear.

That's all I needed.

After I finished packing up the house, my grandmother came over to say goodbye to the place. We both had no intensions of ever stepping foot in that house again. Still to this day when I think of that house, everything is just how my mom left it. Nothing has been moved and there is plenty of apple pie and sweet tea for taking. 

My grandmother and I stood in the empty kitchen doorway looking into the now barren house. Crazy to think, not too long ago this place was full of laughter, life and love...and now, nothing. Just silence. We stood there for a few moments before my Grandmother spoke up.

"Empty house, empty hearts."

WATCH BETHLEHEM HERE!

Before we get started, I want to say THANK YOU for all the love and support we have received on our little film. All the reviews have been fantastic, and the response at the film festivals have been pretty incredible so far. I am insanely proud of the cast/crew I was lucky enough to work with. I think we really captured something special. Bethlehem is a nod towards those 90's Holiday classics only with some balls. Pardon my french. I think Sam Watermeier from NUVO Magazine described the film the best saying; "IT’S RUDE AND CRUDE BUT ALSO BATHED IN A WARM LIGHT, AS IF FILMED THROUGH A HAZE OF NOSTALGIA." It is very crude, so put the kids to bed - Bethlehem is a Christmas story for ADULTS ONLY. (Due to Strong Language)

It's a beautiful little film that a lot of people worked really hard on and I want to share it with you...However like I just mentioned, A TON of hard work went into making this film and YES you can watch it on your phone or iPad or computer BUT I beg you, PLEASE stream it to your television via VIMEO app. The film is colored and has audio enhancing for your television not your devices. To truly get the best feel for the film, PLEASE stream it to your TV. You can do so by using Chromecast, Apple TV, Xbox, Ruku (see more). 

Last but not least, the film will only be available to stream on December 24th and 25th. That's right, Christmas Eve and Christmas night ONLY folks. You can pre-order it now and watch it with friends and family after they get good and drunk after Christmas dinner!

<< PRE- ORDER IT NOW >>

ONE LAST THING -- Help us spread the word tweet/instagram/facebook about the film when you watch it with the hashtag #BethlehemTheMovie 

"BETHLEHEM REMINDS US THAT BEHIND EVERY HOUSE DECKED-OUT WITH CHRISTMAS DECORATIONS IS A STORY OF A FAMILY STRUGGLING TO KEEP IT TOGETHER IN A WORLD MORE CONDUCIVE TO ITS FALLING APART."

 - Michael S. DeBurger - 

“BETHLEHEM” IS A ROWDY ADULT COMEDY ABOUT TRYING TO DEAL WITH THE PEOPLE WHO KNOW JUST HOW VULNERABLE WE REALLY ARE INSIDE. IT’S FUNNY, MOVING AND ABOVE ALL, FIENDISHLY ENTERTAINING."

- Philip Smolen -

"MALONE CLEARLY UNDERSTANDS THAT SOMETIMES HUMOR IS FOUND IN THE SILENCE AND IN WHAT'S NOT SAID AS MUCH AS WHAT IS SAID."

- Richard Propes -

"IT IS SMART AND QUICK, BUT YET NEVER GOING INTO A JUVENILE DUMBNESS. THIS FILM JUST FEELS FRESH AND UNIQUE."

- James DePaolo -

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